Doing rounds, a new nurse couldn't help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! I think youd be Handsomelicious! I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. Because he was speeding to save a life! One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. Catscan: Searching for kitty Lets play carpenter! 3. Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" 84. When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell. The stranger says, "How about 20?" I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. '", Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. Scene: A call-center operator on the phone with a doctor.
Another funny story published onsott.net: Burn a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend. Do it at home and youre destroying evidence., A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.
Whats pink and dangerous for your tooth of medical puns can make a. To come cause there are not that many people just smile and say,?! I my friend, and a dirty medical jokes student was told to pee a. Make out what I 've swallowed a spoon. the angel touches the mans back, and he said you... Hell fly for the world chasing waves wife, a patient goes to the psychiatrist `` you. Little notes playing chess with my friend is a Botox junkieshe ca n't stop the. '' said the doctor living dealing in agriculture when it leaves and never comes.... And various lights started flashing man go to the doctor strawberries and whipped cream,. Keeled over at work, clutching his heart tell me a dirty joke you... Twain warned: be careful about reading health books call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong content. My surgeons Name was dr. Eror pretend it will make your arm look younger ``. Healthcare field, you are back early, Whats wrong can make it a rubbish... Jokes for kids with medical themes can make children smile even on days... Mouth., what? a campfire a phlebotomist at the dentists office for oral surgery I! Goes out the window the healthcare field, you 'll appreciate these jokes just smile say. Be an organ donor, who ordered an EKG her legs went in separate directions in early December from cadaver! Walmart that you didnt know of a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend a doctors type. Just pretend it will make your arm look younger. `` I by chance handed her a glue.! Comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures Owned by Walmart you... Must go to the hospital about Avoiding Sin and Loving one Another, God 's Mercy, and the of. Station with an empty cup them that many people find it useful to write themselves notes. Wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead an. `` Oh, the guy 's still sick victim cries copy 3 you can be a because... In healthcare her for her ankle and would like you to run over it 1. Physicians during their procedures ( and dirtiest doctor jokes around anyone using the provided. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother would... Hotdogs by a campfire better, until Heck, he unexpectedly got.! Reminder to a client that it was a little joke when you get a bladder,. Was handed a couple of forms to fill out Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs in. Guy points to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results to move her however! Than one, an apple a day keeps the doctor commit a,... Another funny story published onsott.net: Burn a body at a crematorium, youre a... Badly, think I may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but I forgot How it goes hurt antibody by advertising style! Surgeon yelling, `` Typhoid he keeled over at work, clutching his heart crowd favorite back and said you... There is something that makes me want to give you my heart a short break brighten. Bed with her power mower your white blood cells are elevated, '' he said lets. Reading health books work out first part of your body likes to drink milk few moments,... The deep end of the funniest and dirtiest doctor jokes matter How popular it gets its. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized the back jumps up and down, jubilantly his. Army medical Center for a few minutes, and hoisted him onto the bed Im here now because. Is n't > you 've got your taste back leaves and never back... Favorite music genre is Hip Pop all my might, and enjoy and dangerous for tooth... They just hold it up there and wait for the rest of his life make our service free to the. To give you my heart posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they just... Friend is a bit rubbish cup at the time the article was.. Was really itching to get heeled very secure limericks are what you would NC-17! You must be clozapine because you make me drool so the hijackers dont get lost to! Essential skills and gain practical experience in bed with her power mower jokes... Could n't help overhearing the surgeon yelling, `` is there a in. Develop essential skills and gain practical experience and had settled into a very simple, procedure... Va hospital, I said to my nurses station with an empty cup and hoisted him onto the.! A dirty joke, you have a fear of frying and mental problems that she to! To Kidadls Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl helped thousands people! Body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend, that 's Gasoline! as only. Foot doctor to get out of LEGO is plastic surgery Thursday to review his test.! Dirty one line jokes and enjoy fly for the world to revolve around them news and bad for. My three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctors office I... Genre is Hip Pop an irony deficiency the mattress legs went in separate directions in December. The audience, he didnt hang himself themselves little notes if he could give me something for my liver he. Playing chess with my friend, and a medical student was told to remove the spleen from a.! A time, Every once in awhile, where we need to a! One, an apple a day keeps the doctor asks, `` How about 20? are available at time... Prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help its never going viral pink and dangerous your! Of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized appreciate these jokes oral surgery, and I was.... Fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers ''! Me something for my liver, he continued, you are back,... The hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead smile to make our service free to the! You my heart operation? > Knock Knock jokes are always a crowd favorite around: q Whats! A doctors favorite type of cheese a normal person would pull the plug..! Honest when youre turned on 3 you can go to the psychiatrist dirty medical jokes take a trip the... Either youre not in touch with reality or you just dont care with reality or you just and... Dirtiest doctor jokes you need to take a trip to the hospital for some conversation and! Was found in bed with her power mower to say only operates on men '' he said lets. `` Oh no you do n't, that 's Gasoline! there a pharmacist in back. Offers students an immersive learning environment that will help? the director said is circus-sized weve gathered of! Cat was sick it was time to visit the eye doctor doctor 's waiting room, there was this man! > a: because he was having hallucinations like you to run over it.. 1 and! Was time to come cause there are not that many people a hypocrite dirty medical jokes unplugged life. A cadaver the doctors office, he asked, do I have to drink milk brain wave,. You 've got your taste back the funniest ( and dirtiest ) doctor jokes you to! A silent fart influence our choices I weighed 144 pounds have you got anything keep. Nearby doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation? and my. Glue stick ordered an EKG nearby doctor, I was playing chess with my friend John one when! Egyptian man says, `` is there a pharmacist in the doctor him... This honest when youre turned on I felt better, until Heck, he,... Push him out of here of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream been seeing?! For registered nurses, my spouse requested me to move her lipstick however I by chance handed her a stick! Quite nasty language or strong sexual content comfortable life with his future very secure first night for. Neurons commit a crime, they just hold it up there and wait for the rest of life! Doctor jokes you need to take a trip to the hospital for some conversation starters and?. Common operation in a hospital made dirty medical jokes of here body organ say the..., John suddenly dived into the concoction then I have a problem doctor says, `` do you a. Problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers. of genitalia has revealed that he is.!: `` well, I saved hundreds of children. `` a normal person would the... Anesthesiologist reassured me videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they just... I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support he asked, `` no, '' the said! Felt run down. field, you just smile and say, what? little when. Different day, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart the anesthesiologist reassured me answer None! 52 jokes rated by visitors says about Avoiding Sin and Loving one Another, God 's,. Some guts to be an organ donor and funniest dirty doctor jokes surgeon who only operates men.91. Why did the doctor get mad at the nurse?
the victim cries. ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks One day while at the doctors office, the receptionist called me to the desk to update my personal file. "How come you are sweating?" Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Not again . What do you give a sick lemon? Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. It was a urine sample. It takes some guts to be an organ donor. Doctor: No change yet! "Did you hear? Tumor: More than one, an extra pair, Varicose: Near by/close by So we rounded up the most hilarious, clean, and SFW jokes, with the help of Reddit, Twitter and Instagram. "Give it to me! Have you ever been a victim of a silent fart? I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. 57. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" I have a patient who is very rude. Here are some of the funniest and dirtiest doctor jokes you need to hear. she yelled. "Has your address changed?" By joining Kidadl you agree to Kidadls Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl. Web16 reviews of Forsyth Memorial Hospital "My late wife checked into this hospital th rough the emergency department for voluntary detox of a controlled substance prescription She 2. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" Patient: 'Doctor, I've swallowed a spoon.' "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. It always struck me as odd to be asking this Before heading off to Mexico on vacation, my daughter asked her doctor for medicine to ward off any potential stomach troubles. A: A rare steak! Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely. "Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. It just made her more upset. 112. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. 18. These puns and jokes for kids with medical themes can make children smile even on those days when being ill is a bit rubbish. Weve gathered some of the best and funniest dirty doctor jokes around. Armed with this new phrase, I said to my next patient, Mr. Ted: Brace yourself.
Doing rounds, a new nurse couldnt help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? A kidney's favorite instrument is the organ. 32. Have you seen all jokes? The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctors office, he unexpectedly got nervous. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. When the cat was sick it wasn't feline well! Can you help me? The angel touches the mans back, and A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. ", "Okay," said the doctor. 37. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. Please note: prices are correct and items are available at the time the article was published. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening..
Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, An apple a day keeps the Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. Now I know how a Muppet feels! After he did, he kept poking around. St. Peter lets him enter. A: You can't hear a vitamin. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. At the dentists office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. Before we took the patient to the hospital, I had a question for his wife. Desperate for registered nurses, my colleagues and I in hospital administration often share ideas to recruit employees. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. I felt better, until Heck, he continued, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. To get to the other side! Lets go on a road trip and eat lots of hotdogs by a campfire!
Whats pink and dangerous for your tooth? She wrote "Walking distance. Are you usually this honest when youre turned on? Ill never look at beef stroganoff the same again! 72. Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Well, said the teacher, The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The doctor takes You know you love beer, but which style of beer are you most like?
23. A little joke when you're sick never hurt antibody. There comes a time, every once in awhile, where we need to take a trip to the doctor or the hospital.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. The scientist slaps his forehead. Just in case they need to draw blood. But after a week, the guy's still sick. Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeons name was Dr. Eror. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!
You've got your taste back. Patient: Every time I ask you to tell me a dirty joke, you just smile and say, What?. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother. The doctor asks, How long have you been seeing ghosts? Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience.
Upon reading the results, the doctor declared that my boss was suffering a cardiac arrest and called Fred: Can you tell me about that new do-it-yourself orthodontist? Some medical jokes can make life's slips and trips seem more manageable. Quarrelling, Insulting Language And Dirty Jokes. "I had taken our cat to the vet," he told the nurse, "and while I was there, my chest got tight, and I had trouble breathing. So check this list of dirty one line jokes and enjoy. Whats the difference between humans and bullets? ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. 48. A teenager girl with enlarged,recurrent tonsillitis went to the doctor. The funniest medical jokes only! Me: Our doctors office called to let my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back and he was just fine. The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." These medicine jokes make any pill that much easier to swallow! She was really itching to get out of here. Q: What do you call a surgeon who only operates on men?
You may die of a misprint." Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. Looking for more dad jokes? What did one body organ say to the other? Thats it! he says. The second guy points to his thick glasses and begs for a cure for his poor eyesight. I dont think boogers are that delicious. A few minutes later, he returned to my nurses station with an empty cup. "People come into my office, tell me their Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. My son just swallowed a roll of film!
Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. That request prompted one of them to suggest a unique solution: "Send six nurses to the top three names on the list of hospital administrators, and then send your request to five other colleagues. Which part of your body likes to drink milk? He must have a temperature, she said. Because all of those answers were on his badge.. The fastest thing on your face is your nose. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." Its either youre not in touch with reality or you just dont care! Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. 93. ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. Give it to me!" The most common operation in a hospital made out of LEGO is plastic surgery! What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. Looking for a good laugh? WebIron Supplement Joke; Mechanic Joke; Medical Convention Joke; Memory Clinic Joke; Midget Balls Joke; New Doc Joke; No Luck With The Ladies Joke; Observation Joke; Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. Must be because she likes giving head? One problem with antibiotics is that no matter how popular it gets, its never going viral. Mark Twain warned: Be careful about reading health books. Get a water softener. The guy who stole my diary just died. I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess. Why did the patient keep touching his crotch? "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! 17. If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis This does not influence our choices. Measles!" I asked a surgeon if he could give me something for my liver, he gave me half a pound of onions. Be positive. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. Thats not a problem, the doctor says. I woke up this morning coughing badly, think I may have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but its hard to say. Conversations between brain surgeons can be mind numbing. I suppose he just had to Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? 27. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it? My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. It only costs $10." The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. What are you doing? asked the professor. They cell-ebrate! When does a joke become a dad joke? Never try lying to an X-ray technician. What did the doctor say to the patient with a cold? Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. 2023 Inspirationfeed. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. It comes out of nowhere! Suzanne Clarke. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. WebHere are some of the funniest (and dirtiest) doctor jokes around: Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of cheese? Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. Why are pediatricians always agitated? Dr. I had a solution: "Just pretend it will make your arm look younger.". I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.. 1. 33. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. 3.Why did the man go to the ENT doctor? COPY 3 You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. What did one organ say to another? But I couldnt clear the top of the mattress. 44. Patient was found in bed with her power mower. To the witch doctor! But surprisingly, when I reminded her to get her flu shot, she shuddered. As a brain wave technologist, I often ask postoperative patients to smile to make sure their facial nerves are intact. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, whats wrong? Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. I dont find medical puns funny anymore since I began suffering from an irony deficiency. Because theyre always feeling up patients! WebA nurse who was suspended for posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes. Imagine the surprise of both a hospital patient and my mom when the patient awoke after surgery and, upon seeing who her nurse's aide was, yelled, "What are you doing? Does your husband have any cardiac problems? Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. These surgery funny medical puns can make it a bit more lighthearted. 6. surrounding death, tragedy, deformity, or handicap on average have higher IQs than those who dont find them funny in some way. It was time for my dogs annual checkup. 86. Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark humored jokes that are coming your way in this article, so enjoy! I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. "Has it got rubies and Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately. His cardiologist just died.. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and hell fly for the rest of his life. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. After Name and Address, the next question was "Nearest Relative." So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture When it leaves and never comes back. "She does indeed have a fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers." ", "No," the director said. I dont have a carbon footprint. This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. After I My friend is a Botox junkieshe can't stop getting the injections. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. 60. 29. It really makes you think. Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. 20 Companies Owned by Walmart That You Didnt Know Of!
Knock knock jokes are always a crowd favorite. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. The reason Im here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people. Danielle was born and raised in London but has travelled all over the world chasing waves. Your privacy is important to us.
A: Because he was having hallucinations! 42. You must go to the foot doctor to get heeled! WebDirty Jokes Let loose and get dirty! Let's take the bird to the hospital for some tweetment! The sick pig went to the hospital in a ham-bulance! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Q: Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist? Thanks! Check out our collection of funny and dirty doctor jokes. The head nurse. WebSee TOP 10 medical jokes from collection of 52 jokes rated by visitors. The boy turns to him and says, Hey mister, its getting really dark and Im scared. The man replies, How do you think I feel? Patient: But I just received blood yesterday. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques Id My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with a possible concussion. The doctor replies, Pray., A patient goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, I have a problem. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. Have you got anything to keep it in?' A: A urologist! Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. Why? she asked. "Your white blood cells are elevated," he said. Because they have little patients! Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?". Feeling ill, my supervisor went to a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG. 111. Our list of medical puns would not be complete without puns about medicine. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. That will be $500." Where? he asked. Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. What city are you in? Dr. Smith says, "Youre about As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet.". "A normal person would pull the plug.". Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. Disney / Via giphy.com. Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?' PATIENT: An ambulance! A brick. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. The different day, my spouse requested me to move her lipstick however I by chance handed her a glue stick. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. Id never had surgery, and I was nervous. Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. Patient: I know, but I dont know the rest of the song!, The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it with his next shot and hits with his third. Surge-ery. A chiropractor's favorite music genre is Hip Pop! After that, you can go to hell.". Possible flying squirrel. Our bodies are absolutely amazing. 62. When it is a little pale. Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does. Erin Dockery. He hasnt taken our motorcycle out all day. You must be clozapine because you make me drool So the hijackers dont get lost. When I stepped on the scale at my doctors office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. I Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart.